blow jobs and amateurs

When I look for someone to date the first thing I'm really interested in is how many people they have slept with. I'm looking for women who are disease free but have slept with more people then I have fingers and toes. Even better is if said woman has given more blow jobs than there are people on a college football team.

This might sound insane to some people but let me explain my logic to you. The reason for this is I don't want a rank amateur going down on me. I want someone who knows their way around a dick,

Cell phone cams and masturbation

I'm not a slut... I'd like to be but I'm not. I can honestly say that I have not slept with a lot of people. It isn't really something I'm boasting about it because as a man that is a marker of shame. In male culture the more women you've slept with the better.

Update 6/10/13

There really hasn't been much on my mind lately as far as quirky observations or funny thoughts. Honestly, probably half of the jokes I've written on here were really forced and the other half were just me trying to contain a stand bye situational style joke that I've used from time to time.

That being said I've been made aware of an open mic night venue in my area and may be attempting to compartmentalize some of my insane thoughts into a routine to try out, I'll probably eat dick but who knows at least I tried.

Just really been feeling writers burn out from blogging, writing for work and doing blog posts for companies on the side for cash.

American Spirit Parody

Nothing hits you harder then being pistol whipped in the face and having your head stomped in by a bunch of protestant hating Irishman. Second to that would probably be the blast of black tar you get from American Spirit cigarettes as they fill your lungs with that smokey addictive death that will simultaneously further your chances of getting laid while killing you slowly from the inside out. 

Fat Ass, Bad Ass

There is something going on in America, it is an epidemic actually and I am afraid that some of you may be susceptible to it or even have it already.

It is a syndrome that I like to call the "Fat Ass, Bad Ass" syndrome. In case you aren't familiar this is where you are a mildly obese to extremely obese person who wears cut off t-shirts and may or may not wear a backwards baseball cap and black sunglasses.