American Spirit Parody

Nothing hits you harder then being pistol whipped in the face and having your head stomped in by a bunch of protestant hating Irishman. Second to that would probably be the blast of black tar you get from American Spirit cigarettes as they fill your lungs with that smokey addictive death that will simultaneously further your chances of getting laid while killing you slowly from the inside out. 

1 800 Pet Supplies Parody

Lets face you are a crazy pet person who values an animal's life more then you do other human beings. You paid $500 to be a PETA member for life and your personal hygiene sucks since you know anything that will wash the smell of pig manure and animal vomit from your skin was tested on rodents.