Why Would I Want to Have Kids?

[AUTHOR'S NOTE] This bit was born out of an observation I've made in a few of my friends who don't have kids and are one or two decades older then me. They all seemed happier and were a lot less fat and stressed out all the time. 

It was also born out of a silly conversation I had with my boss about not wanting to have kids because I didn't want to go to AYSO Youth Soccer Games. 

Saying sorry and 12-year-old girls

[Author's Note] I have a pretty dark sense of humor and it seems like fallback topics for laughs are things surrounding rape, pedophilia, drug addiction and anything that is all around dark. In conversation I know how to usually work these in and be funny. Basically, just usually slip things in nonchalantly but in stand up I feel like it has to be different since you are basically a one man show and have no one person to play off of. 

Anyways this next joke is pretty short but I was just trying to think about things I would maybe normally talk about in conversation to be off the wall and absurd