I never stop writing however since it is part of what I do professionally and also what I do sometimes therapeutically. I've been working on writing a book and I do quite a bit of journaling as well. The book may end up being utter garbage but it is a good exercise to attempt. I figure if I can finish writing a book I can finish doing just about anything.
Anyways, this article I write here today isn't about trying to be funny and work out some silly joke I hope to use in a stand-up routine one day. No this article is probably a tad sadder than most.
Sure all my articles are sad in a way since they are all a bit self-deprecating and whether the things I say are true or not share or expose some sort of insecurity I have about myself.
No rather this article is basically my reaction to the death of Robin Williams and an amazingly truthful article I read on Cracked! website. You can read the article here. I really do encourage people to read this article. It is basically about the depression and anxiety that just about all comedians and people who identify themselves as "funny" deal with.
When I learned of Robin Williams death this past Monday I was really shocked. In fact his death hit me harder than just about any other celebrity suicide or death that I can think of (Brittany Murphy, Philip Seymour-Hoffman, Heath Ledger and any others I'm forgetting) to be honest with learning that he died really sucked.
I don't know Robin Williams at all but I feel like I grew up with the man over the years. As if he was that happy uncle who always spoiled you with presents, laughter and jokes about stealing your nose. The man was a seminal part of my childhood whether it be 'Aladdin' or the ultimate Peter Pan film 'Hook,'
The man was truly a gift and in fact my father, now deceased, shared a moment with the legendary actor and comedian. My father was a wannabe actor himself and shared an audition with Williams when Williams was still living in Michigan.
My father recalled to me that Williams appeared insane in the audition and ultimately got the part.
For the last few days I've dwelled on the man's death and thought about my own personal and mental demons and neurosis that I battle and try to lock away.
The Cracked! article really hit home for me and spoke to my soul. I identify with being a funny person more so than I ever realized. I've always been told I was funny, weird, odd or awkward pretty much my entire life.
These are labels that at times I've enjoyed and been downright uncomfortable with, nevertheless, they are all titles I've embraced and used to fit in.
I get social anxiety sometimes and my awkward nature and humor is very much the crutch I use to fit in.
However, the article speaks about the fact that funny people whether they be comedians, writers or the like suffer internally and quietly using humor as a disguise for normalcy and acceptance.
This I can relate with quite a bit in fact. I struggle constantly with being genuine and being fake. I genuinely wished I didn't care what the world thinks and despite my best efforts to sometimes portray myself as that couldn't be further from the truth.
I seek approval and acceptance from those around me. I am very scared of a future where I am alone yet I've chosen to move and live somewhere that has made me more alone than I've ever been in my life.
Yet, at times I thrive on this loneliness since it gives me moments to hone and craft skills.
Of course this article isn't about me it is about Robin Williams.
No one can possibly know what he was experiencing or suffering from. I haven't read all the reports so I have know clue what the motive was. Was he depressed? The logical answer would be yes. We all get depressed sometimes and was him taking his life the right decision? Honestly, no one can truly know.
People like to look at suicide as a selfish act and despite it being something that may have come to mind before to me as an option I plan to never take. However, I can see where the thought can be appealing at times. This is in no way justifying suicide, I've lost a friend to suicide and it was painful. I just would like to acknowledge that no one can possibly know the rationale or the deep internal suffering a person is experiencing in those moments.
Everyone has dark thoughts just for some those thoughts are a little darker. For funny people though those dark thoughts are used for the humor of everyone else.
This article is a bit rushed so I hope it makes sense. However, I felt inspired to write something especially after reading the Cracked! article and more recently the tasteless comments of Rush Limbaugh on the matter.
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