[Author's Note] O.K. this is my first post and honestly I have no idea how to write a joke so I am just probably going to use a topic of conversation that I bring up all the time. Mostly, I use this to initiate conversation with people and is fallback topic I use in conversation.
Usually, I just riff on this topic and like to see where it goes but I'm trying to imagine this in a stand up scenario so I've tried to write a more cohesive style of joke that I could maybe talk to an audience about.
I always like to warn women before the conversation gets started that I have a small penis. There is an Asian sized penis and then there is me. My penis is so small that if I were to perform in a Japanese porn that there would be no need for the blurred sensor.
Let me go a month without shaving down there and there wouldn't be much to see. I'm told cock size doesn't matter to women but in all honesty I can't imagine there being any pleasure derived from having sex with me. My penis is like an M&M it melts in your mouth not in your hand.
I bring this topic up because it seems like women always go on about how annoying dudes are when they talk about their dong. I mean yeah we talk about our dongs but truthfully when I get going I wish I'd have just stopped.
The most taboo and sometimes feared sex act for women may be anal sex. As a side note when dudes get a chance to play in the rear end they high five and call each other bro.,, usually in the locker room... and asking for assistance to shave their pubes.
Women there is nothing to fear when having sex with me yes I may slip it in there "by accident" but you'll hardly notice a thing.
I'm serious!!!
I'm going to ravage your backside but you aren't going to feel it. I hope you don't like pleasure because frankly none will be had once you sleep with me. When I cum my the amount of goop that comes out is like when you squeeze a nasty white head on your face.
I completely disrespect women in the bedroom. I fuck their asses and I cum all over their faces. The only problem is I do it as a power thing and none of them feel disrespected. My penis is so small that for the most part anything I could possibly do with it is a minor annoyance.
Going blind from semen in the eye isn't really an issue with me.
I'd slap a woman across the face with my cock if I could actually reach her face with it– no joke.
I have nothing but disrespect for women. I mean seriously when it comes to the bedroom I dream of making them choke on my penis until they cry but most of the times they look at me awkwardly and ask if I'm tucking it in.
When I tell them no the next question is, "Are you a transvestite?" The answer is also no. There was a period in my childhood where it was confirmed I had a penis.., at the day of my birth by the doctor who delivered me and when I applied for my drivers license.
Sure I pee sitting down but I do that because it's comfortable and my feet get tired it doesn't make me a girl does it?
The first time I had sex the girl asked me "Is it in?" That is the most dreaded question a man could ever hear. We prefer to hear women tell lies about how big it is and how good it feels. She basically confirmed my greatest fear in that she couldn't feel it and it did not feel good.
I wish I could say that it was because we were youthful first timers but in all honesty I can't since she was a 40-year-old hooker with a peg leg and an eye patch–so she knew what she was doing. The thing is, is that she felt so bad for me that she gave me my money back and a coupon for 50% off my next visit.
Anyways... so yeah... my penis... I hope you know ladies that all of that is a lie my penis is like normal size that hooker told me it was a "good size." Also, I'm single so come talk to me after the show.
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